........... ...........
Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome! I hope you all enjoy reading this blog as much as I enjoy writing it. A little about myself? Not much to say. I'm just a girl trying to figure out life and its many complications. I call myself a "scribbler of dreams," hence this blog. I'm a dreamer, an extrovert, a slacker, a "mush-gush," a performer, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and "that girl." I study theatre and plan to make a successful career out it...preferably musical...maybe BrOaDwAy? Who knows, right? My climax awaits...but for now, I'm only in the "rising action" of the story of my life. Every day is another page turned; every year, another chapter. My objective in life is to enjoy it (in, of course, a healthy and responsible way). I may not be the best person sometimes, but I try my best to be a good one. I pray each and every page of your book be wonderful. Thank you and may God bless you always,
Monica
........... ...........
.........
"Life is the ultimate experience of agony and happiness."
-Paul Gulisano
..........
.........
|
 |
Sunday, October 31, 2004
GREAT NEWS!!!! Steph is joining us for Halloween!!! *yay* So its gonna be lotsa fun...
hmm...something weird happened this morning on the phone with paul...weirrrrd... am i going crazy or did he...? did i...? oh...my...gosh...ok!! no sweat...i'll just...hmm...well i'll wait for today...
ahhhhhh i am going crazy...i'm oddly excited... no matter...it was probably just the cobby sandwich from Einstein... it's funny how the "i dont care" attitude attracts me...hmmm...nonononono
AnYwHo...I'm excited for tonight and feelin a lot better...so i am gonna be Jasmine!! and Jen: ive got the lil battery for our special lil machine! hawhaw i'll bring it today...anddddd......hmm....so yea basically this is an attempt to procrastinate from doing my homework and doing laundry and stuff...how am i doin? yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa sooooooooooooooo blablabla tralala>>hawhaw
"oooo you tosh my tralala...(puckers lips) ooooooh my ding ding dong!!" hehe... anywho...
ok ok ok ...i guess i have no choice...off to my chem and drama and history hw...arg...and the huge masses of dirty laundry in have in my room...blech... k i love u buhbye
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Heyyyyy! well it has been a very interesting week...lets recall, shall we?
oooook. So!
Monday: In my 4th period, this kid, Shai, who i barely know at all, and I had a very interesting conversation as I was walking in the classroom...Check it out...
Shai: Did you go out with this kid named Danny?
Moni: ...uhhh....yea...like 2 years ago...
Shai: What's your last name?
Moni: Herrera...why??
Shai: Oh cuz i was playing against him in baseball... his team sucks (Moni:haw!)...and he was on 2nd base when I got there. So Danny says to me "My ex goes to Krop...she's a junior." and I say "What's her name?" and he says "Monica...she has long brown hair." and I told him there was a Monica in my class...that's why I'm asking.
Moni: (suprised, confused, and strangely flattered) oh...well yea...umm...ok...and that's all he said?
Shai: Yea, pretty much...he said he dumped you.
Moni: (ego drops) oh...yea...it was stupid...it could barely be called a relationship...
Shai: (losing interest in the conversation)...oh...yea...
Moni: (nervously walking away)...yea it was stupid...(rolls eyes pretending not to care and smiles)
So yeaaa......ugh i felt so stupid...that was, i think, Monday's highlight...oh!!! ok then after school i had an Economy Club meeting and Jen, Steph, Sam, and I all planted this little garden in school, just the four of us. I had never planted a plant before and i didnt know that you had to take the little bucket out of the plant before you put it into the ground...so i put the bucket with the plant still in it in the ground and put the dirt back in the hole and patted it down and i had finished before everyone else...and then they all noticed it looked kinda weird...they laughed at me lol and i had to start aaaaall over and take the bucket out and re-plant it...it was sooo funny.
Tuesday: ok so today was my 2nd dance class...ugh i feel so stupid in there sometimes because i'm one of the oldest ppl there (there are like 2 20 yr olds but w.e.) and the newbie in the class...so i'm learning things i shouldve mastered by now...and like these 8 yr old girls are doing so much better than i am lol...anywho but its not about that...its about my skills and i am learning a lot. so its going well...but my leg muscles are like spiratically shaking during class because my muscles aren't used to that type of workout...(I take a stretch class and a ballet class) so yea my legs get really weak my the time we get off the ballet bars and start doing centre, my pointe is barely arched and it doesnt look very graceful and pretty...w.e. i'll get stronger as time progresses...
Wednesday: Well once more back to my 4th period where the Danny incident happened. Once again I am haunted by a past love...except this one was kinda painful.
I walk into class all weirdly excited b/c Shai knows Danny and blablabla...then this kid, named John, in my class, who sits like 2 seats in back of me now, calls my attention...this was our devastating convo...what a coincidence, eh? two classes in a row...
John: Hey...Do you know a guy named Juan?
Moni: (Shocked, but smiles nervously, goes to the seat in front of him to talk) ...uhh...yea...Which one?
::plz dont let it be him! plz dont let it be him!::
John: from Beach High.
Moni: (freaking out but still smiling calmy) yea...What's his last name?
::plzplzplz God! Let it be someone else!::
John: (smiles) Rivas.
Moni: (Heart sinks) oh. (nods)
John: yea well he told me to tell you he won the war.
Moni: (pause, ouch) ...How do you know him?
~~~This part is kinda fuzzy to my memory b/c i was in shock so it might not be totally accurate~~~
John: I've known him for a while...before you two even went out.
Moni: ...oh...
(realizes he was the "spy" Juan was talking about)
::omg!! He's been watching me this whole time!! I've acted like such a dork in class!! how embarrasing...he probably tells juan everything i do...omgomgomg...Juan wasn't lying::
...so you know the whole story?
John: (Nods and has a weird smirk on his face)
Moni: (Gets up from seat and goes to her own, drowned in thought, forgets about John)
::"...told me to tell you he won the war" ...how? why? why does he continue to
freaking hurt me? and why does this effect me so much?::
(tears start rolling down and she quickly tries to hide them from John before he goes and tells Juan he made her cry, but she thinks John notices.)
Ugh yea it was horrible...soon after i went back to my seat the teacher started talking to the class. For the rest of the period i was quiet and trying to hold back tears, but it wasnt really working. My quietness is not very common in the class since i'm always involved in the lectures in that class...i'm practically the only one who is involved. So my quietness was most probably noticable to John, which means he knew it effected me. Mr. Meyers even noticed and snapped his fingers in front of my face once because i was staring into no where. When the bell rang, thankfully, John left without another word to me. I know if he wouldve said something else, I wouldve started pouring...ugh...on my way to my next class and throughout that period, i was crying. I told Brian and Jen about it...(sry i didnt tell you when you noticed something was wrong with me steph...i just wasnt in the mood for an audience ya know? and you dont like the "Juan" subject.) oh, but there's more to come in this story on Friday...
So yea...
ugh then!! after that, i went to Jen's house to get ready for the Spaghetti dinner. It was fun and e looked super cute and i actually forgot about the juan thing (not for long though)...but yea...so it was after the dinner and jen and i had parted ways and she was nowhere to be found. I grabbed our bag with both of our cellphones in it and went outside to wait of her and my mom. My mom found me and Jen was still no where to be found. We looked and looked and looked for her and she was no where. For over an hour we were searching for her and by that point we were going hysterical!! I was so scared! everyone had already left the school and it was practically empty! and we couldnt find her anywhere. We couldnt even call her b/c she left her phone in the bag i was carrying. ugh...when my mom was talking to her mom and security guards, i had gone to the back of the school and there she was. She had been verbally fighting with this stupid girl we cant stand or something the whole time...and "lost track of time." We were so glad to see her but we were also pissed, tired, worried and relieved all at the same time. We seriously thought something really bad had happened to her. ::stupid girl:mumble:grumble:: w.e...my throat started hurting real bad that night because of the screaming i did calling out for Jen...
So I had had a bad day that day and decided to call raul cuz i really missed him. So i did and we talked about everything (we had recently gotten into a fight b/c of the entry below in which he read...i explained and he freaked...it wasnt fair to him i know...but...it happened.)...so we were okay again, excpt i was in the dog house and we had come to an agreement...so okay...he talks...alot! lol and everytime i would finally try to hang up he wouldnt let me...so it was 12am when Beto walks in my room and sees me on the phone...he flipped and i tried to say it was Jen...but then said it was Bee and then he didnt believe me... he told my mom and my mom came in and made me tell her b/c they were gonna check the bill anyway...so i did and she took my phone and i was grounded and wasnt allowed to do anything afterschool including rehearsal or salsa with paul and!!!! my phone stays in moms room at night...then i went to sleep...ugh...lucky me...
Thursday: So, i wake up moody and my throat still hurting badly...we saw the Red Ribbon Show (a show i performed in last yr when i was in the intermediate class)...it was...not good...except for the machine and the chorus. The machine was awesome. My line in last yr's machine is like legendary hehe. I'm so proud! it was "This is your brain (i point to my head) This is your brain on drugs!!!! (i point to my head, cross my eyes, and shake my head). hawhaw Bee made it up and i did it. so yea the show sucked...Rayner's rap was....::cracks up:: ok what was Miss thinking?? so the end of his rap goes: "and if u make fun of this drug-free rap, then (something something) you're wack!" and like most of us in our class like raised our hands and said "I'm wack!!" hawhawhaw hilarious! "BOOM!!" hawhawhawhawhawhaw lmbo...
okay pheeeeeeeewwwwwwwww..............
o ok so "Juan-ga" (the much-cuter-and-nicer-than-juan-look-a-like) and i were talking and stuff...
this was our convo afterschool...
Moni: so what are you doing for Halloween this weekend?
JuanGa: umm...nothing... (flashes his oh-so-cute smile)
Moni: (blush) awwww...you're so boring!! (he laughs)
JuanGa: What are you doing this weekend?
Moni: I'm hanging out with some friends. no biggie but it something to do.
~~~Fuzzy after this...cant remember exactly what he said~~~
JuanGa: oh...well...(something *stutter* something)...invite me...
Moni: oh...ummm...(nervous) um sure...i'll ask my friend if its ok with her...
JuanGa: (laughs)...ok...(gets on his bus)
So i walk to my bus all excited and i sit down and tell jen "omgomgomg!! JuanGa totally likes me!!!!! omgomgomg!!!" and she's like in LaLa-Land and not really paying attention (hmmm...wonder whyyyyyy coughcough::alibubu::coughcough) but i told her anyways...and i was like "omg for sure he likes me!...well atleast i think so...well i dunno...ok im not sure..." lol and i told her the convo...but she reminded me paul was coming over for halloween...and i was like "ooooooooohhhhh yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!...oops..." so JuanGa's coming over is totally not an option! lol besides her mom would want some strange juan-looking guy coming over, although he's really nice...
So by then, my throat was really hurting and my voice was starting to sound scratchy and i just wasnt feeling well at all, so after her grandparents took me home after dropping jen off at her house, i went straight to sleep! it was 4:30pm when i layed down to sleep...i didnt wake up until like 10:30pm when i was feeling horrible!! i was all congested and sick and blech! so i took a Nyquil and was knocked out by 11pm.
Friday: So...I didnt wake up till 4:30am just in time and before my 5am alarm for school. Although i looked all cute for school that morning, i was still feeling horrible...but throughout the day and after my hour long morning nap in the bus, i was feeling much better. yay! the vocab test was pushed back till monday (which reminds me, i have tons of hw to do!).
I saw the Red Ribbon Show again which went a lot better this time than yesterday. I was invited to this crazy party for abe's bday (Happy Bday Negrito!)...and i was so not going to go cuz the only reason they all wanted me to go was to get me drunk, high, and have their way with me...lol...RIGHTTTTT....as if...
so! 4th period once more...i was all cute for school (on purpose humph!) and i was ready to give juan a little piece of my mind!!! i just didnt know what yet...lol...so we're in class and i finally turn around to John and say...
Moni: (with total confidence) Hey...tell juan i said *The only war he ever had was the war against himself*
John: (suprised and confused)
Moni: (turns around in great pleasure! buahahaha)
::lets just hope their both smart enough to figure that out::
Sure enough John didnt know what the heck I was taking about...not surprised...
John: Hey...What does that mean? (confused look on face)
Moni: (rolls eyes)::okok what does that mean???::
It means he's the one who's been all stupid about this whole thing and he's all mad and upset now and making a huge deal out of it...
::man! thats not what i meant!! why'd i say that!??::
John: You're the one who made the big deal making a website about him and everything!
Moni: (shocked!!!) ::what!!?? i so did not make a website about him!! my blog isnt about him! what nerve!!::
ugh! i didnt make a website about him! That's my online journal...i write about everything in there. Its not about him.
John: well...it has him all over the place...
After that i dont remember why the convo ended...i think it was because Mr. Meyers started talking or something...but w.e. then the bell rang and he left before i could say anything else...ugh
So, after that...Math was cool...hung out with Brian...except Brian said something that really hurt my ego...He said Bekker didnt think my face was pretty, but Brian defended me and said i was.
That bothered me for a little bit...
Then>>> i waited for Jen at the bus, also because conveniently, JuanGa passes by there. So i ran into Juanga and I say after a kiss hello and all the usual greetings...
Moni: ...well i asked my friend if it was okay if you chilled with us and stuff and she said no...(laughs)...sry...
JuanGa: oh...(laughs) i was just playing about that.
Moni: (feels stupid, ego drops even more!) oooh! um ok..heh...nevermind then...well bye! have a good weekend!
Good save...kinda but w.e...anyways...he got on his bus and my embarrassed self went to go find jen who never met me by the bus...so i wentaround the front of the school and tried to go in from there by the security guard told me i had to go through the back...so my crappy-feeling self had to go all around the lonesome back of the school where i ran into a couple making out which was kinda weird b/c..well...it just was...lol and i went through the magnet hall from the back and i think i mustve called jen like 10 times back to back without her picking up...so i finally find Jen and Steph and we walk to Bible Club upstairs. Then, i see the oh-so-cute-and-oh-so-Christian Chris, the Vice-Prez from Bible Club who gave me a big hug and asked about my MS-thing. (BTW, the MRI showed i had a bit of something on my brain that might be a clue to MS, but its not positive so i have to take more tests like one called a Spinal Tab, which is an injection in my spine to take out some spinal fluid to examine on...ouch...but w.e. i just want to know if i have the stupid disease or not! ugh...i have faith though, imma be okay.)
anywho...yea so Chris gave me some cereal of his...i felt special! but then on the ride back home, I told Steph i was kinda crushing on Chris (no biggie but w.e.) and she was like "OMG!!! nooo way!!" lol and then Jen said she thought he liked Brook, my friend whos also in Bible Club...but w.e...so steph wants to find out and tell him i like him and all this stuff! but i dunno if she should!!!! like im freaking out now!! i dunno if thats smart because i dont reeaaaallllyyy like him or JuanGa...i just think theyre cute!! and theyre not even Cuban!!! lol So i'd be getting in another whole huge mess! and i dunno i'm just not ready for that!
Well...i'm real happy cuz me and steph talked a lot. I lover her a lot even though we tend to fight and annoy each other a lot lol. so yea we bonded. (I'm here for you, steph, thanks for trusting me with stuff.) hey...why wasnt Sam at Bible Club??
Anywho...afterwards, i went home and went furniture shopping at El Dorado with my momma. We're gonna have our Florida room re-done and the efficiency (the extra room on the side of the house that used to be the garage) for my sister finished by Thanksgiving. So thats really exciting! Its gonna look real nice and we're gonna have a lot more space in our house! the office thats by the kitchen is going in my sisters old room so the house is gonna look a lot less crowded and messy, and a lot prettier!! Then after we're gonna start on the backyard and put a roof thingie and a workout area there and stuff like that. our plans for our house are really nice. I'm also gonna fix up my room in a Moraccan-style way; the main colors being pink, light orange, pukey green, olive green, and burgundy(...kinda werid sounding but they go real nice together) with silk pillows and beads and stuff. and OMG!! woohoo! i saw the coolest most bestest bed ever!!! i really really want it! Its a pukey-booger-green soft, fuzzy sofa that when u push the top part down its a bed and when you pull the bottom part up there's lil compartments for putting bedsheets away when its a sofa!! so with that my room will look like a lounge instead of a bedroom! how super duper cool is that!? and its only $300! so its really cheap and my mom said she'd get it for me! probably for christmas or something so im real excited! yay!
OH! and then i was talking to Bee on the phone and he was telling me all this "Gosepita" (lol thats me and bee's spanish translation for "Gossip") and he said that he agreed with Roselyn when she said that i shouldnt be in the advanced class because i never do any of my projects...and i was sooo furious!!! what the heck do they know!?? puh-leze!!! and they said margaux too! and i do do my projects! i didnt just one and the other Miss said not to do it because i was in oklahoma already for IE's...so there! and besides! i think she based it on dedication, attitude, responsibility, AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL>>> TALENT! im not saying that they dont have talent but they're probably lacking a lot of the other requirements...w.e...i love them anyways, but they gotta lay off man...
w.e. then mom, beto and i went to go eat sushi and it was real good except by then i was feeling horrible! i went home took another Nyquil and went straight to sleep.
Anywho...I woke up sick and i'm still sick but feeling a bit better and i cant figure out my homework cuz all the congestion is clogging up my concentration and if my cold doesnt get any better i cant wear my Jasmine costume (from Aladdin>>it looks just like her) for Halloween b/c it shows my tummy. arg...so i really have to get better by tomm!!
Oh!! and the funniest thing happened!! hawhaw i was talking on the phone with paul and he was telling me that to get better i need to believe i'm already better! "it's a mental thing," he said. So then i hang up cuz my parents get home and i go into the entrace of the house where they were at and i scream...
Moni: I FEEL SOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!
Mom: Really!?
Moni: No...(takes a step towards the kitchen and slip on my monkey slippers and
falls on her butt.)
Mom: OMG!
Beto: HAHAHAHAHA
Mom: ARE YOU OKAY!?
Beto: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Moni: owwww!! i'm fine..HAHA...(gets up)
Beto: HAHAHAHAHA
Mom: you're so stupid! HAHAHA
Beto: HAHAHAHA
Moni: (looks at her scaped foot and bruised knee)
IT'S ALL PAUL'S FAULT!! haha
So yea W-O-W! This was an extra super long entry!! Now i gotta call Jen back before she...ahem...nevermind lol...haha...i gotta keep my promise and call her back thats all... so thanks for those who came this far in the entry! and if you read this far then your comment should say the word "Mandarin" in it just for proof you made it here! and you'll get a special prize!soooooooooooooo yea...pardon the many typos i'm sure this entry has aaaaaaaand....
i'm out like a trout...hehe
Sunday, October 17, 2004
I just got back from Church and Main Street with Paul and Jen.
It was amazing!
Church went well...i hope Paul liked it. We got there a bit late because apart from my parents taking forever, we had to pick paul up. On the way, my parents and paul talked a lot. I think they really like him. Then we got to church. It was different though because Pastor Troy wasn't there today. But it was still good. We coincidently sat right in front of Jen and her family.
So then after church we stole jen lol and went to Main Street, ate pizza and drank lemonade (paul had coke instead...he's not a big fan of lemonade), and then we went to Victoria's Secret and looked at pretty undies! i'd buy the whole store if i could!.....and then saw "the Forgotten" with Julianne Moore (who i still think is beautiful! u guys are weird) and the movie was awesome (despite Jen's contrasting opinion...lol Jen wasnt really in the movie mood :o( ...) anywho...after the movie, gummy worms and frozen lemonade, we went to go kill time...we had another hour...and u know what...it was a gret hour spent. we went to go see the ducks...by the pretty hills and big branchy trees...teeeheeeheee
It was...nice. ::smiles real big::blush:: I was honored. thank you.
Yea...so that was today. Notice i took off the Juan entry? yea...its doesnt matter anymore... i mean yea, it still bothers...but why dwell on it? and Ricki? well he's waiting for me. and that's something i need to figure out before i can make any decision. i mean he would marry me right now if he could. :o)...of course i'm not ready for that at all...but the question is....do i stop calling? should i? the more i call; the longer this cycle will continue; the more i'll hurt him, and he doesnt deserve that. neither do i. I know there's potential elsewhere...today. I liked today a lot. I want to like it even more. Maybe even love it.
But wherever this is going...it can't move fast...fast isn't good. I'm going to take it day by day. I can't plan...i'm just going to trust it; trust God.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Today we had a music lesson in my drama class taught by Mr. Sommers, my previous music teacher. It was awesome! Especially because i could smile and show my new teeth at the same time!!! hehe
Well, I soon found out after a few vocal exercises later that most of the ppl there aren't that musically talented...which is at an advantage to me, but still... as a musical ensemble...it's not.
Anywho, atleast I know i'll get a lot of musical solos. Like there's this one piece called "A Step Too Far" i want to do for IE's from Aida that's amazing!!!! omg DL it!! it's a trio, though, so i need another girl and a guy. I would be the stronger voice being Aida if anything. That one suits me best. and then there's this other solo piece from Thoroughly Modern Millie called "Gimme, Gimme" that's also amazing but a really challenging piece. I want to speak to Mr. Sommers about it though. and my friend Desiree wants me to be in her big group musical piece from Cabaret...probably "Money" or "Mein Herr" (I prefer "Money," b/c i already saw it done at IE's last yr) I also want to prepare for the Talent show that's in November. I'm planning to audition with a popourri of Cuban songs from Cuban Artists I grew up with (Celia Cruz, Gloria Estefan, and Willy Chirino) and have the traditional cuban dress (Guayachera outfit) for it and everything! AND i wanna talk to Ariel, the cuban dude from school thats in chorus, to do a song with him for the show too... probably JLo and Marc Anthony's "No Me Ames" beginning with the ballad version and ending with the salsa version...whaddya think? Ive already mentioned something to him and he was cool with it. SO yea...
School's going cool. Jen got mad at me for something silly today...(PMS?) hah...*kidding* I have an A1A in my English class!!! AND i'm the only one who has an A!! AND!!! He said he would recommend me for AP English next yr!! i'm sooo excited!! and my mom's really proud of that. AHK! u know what? today was a good day!! lol Braces are bad luck! I think it was the metal radiating bad luck into my brain making me all blech about everything...either that or i've just been smiling a lot more cuz of my new teeth making me happier...its a scientific fact, u know, that the more u smile, the happier u are, even if u aren't really happy. hmm... i guess....... gonna go get those lyrics for the Aida song... i've heard like a kajillion times since i've gotten home! lol
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
FINALLY!!! After 3 long and metallic years, i've finally taken them off! They're amazing!
At first, it seemed to me i somewhat resembled the evil inspector gadget or Jim Carrey in "The Mask" (minus the green face), but then i kinda got used to it.
So far, Mom and Jenny, my sis, say i look beautiful..."una sonrisa de television"...i choose to believe them...::wink:: hehe
I'm really excited for school tomorrow! I get to smile really big!! and Jen and i will be twins again because she's leaving home early from school tomorrow to take her bottom braces off. so we'll both be flashing huge bright smiles come monday. Alex Bekker eat your heart out!! lol lets all pray he doesnt read this...
I'm gonna be Jasmine (from Aladdin) for Halloween this yr...and i'll actually look like my character this time because i'm pretty sure they didn't have braces during that time in Arabia...or wherever it is that they lived lol.
My comp is still down...the power unit is broken again. It turns off every 5 minutes by itself.
I'm schedualing an appt to get my drivers permit when i finish writing this (Jenny's on the phone).
I'm going to get that MRI of mine in a little while. My appt's at 3pm in Palmetto Hospital's RADS center.
And then this Friday, I get more tests done on my brain. They're kinda funny too. I have to look at weird pictures while wires are connected to my head recording my brain's responses and activity towards the pics. I hope I dont think about anything embarrasing, because if certain hormones start coming out lol...they'll know. haha
Anywho...I can't stop smiling!!...aw man...i had a bad dream last night. It was about Ricki. really depressing...i kept waking up all night.
well...gonna go make that appt and get ready for my brain's modeling debut! heh...wish me luck. results wont come until about another week...
Halloween plans anyone?
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Well, life's been a lot less like a TV opera and i am sooo glad for that!!
Hey u know what happened!! well, ya'll know i got a new cell number...well the other day i got this call from this guy who said my number was scribbled on his painting he drew at his night school art class in beach high, so he called it. well, the only person of who i really knew of that went to beach high...is Juan. so when i tell him that he's like "ooo i know him!! he's in my 3rd pd art class! and i think he;s in this class too!" my jaw dropped! w/e the conversation between me and that guy didnt last too long after he said he realized i was his ex-g/f and he said "oo well he must miss u cuz u know u sound real cute"....i was like riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight....
HOW THE HECK WOULD HE KNOW MY NEW NUMBER!? <if it even was him to begin with... hmmm....strange...
anywho... my life has somehow morphed into a Dawson's Creek episode...hawhaw. Bekker being Dawson, Brian being Pacey, and I being Joey... ::sigh:: i'm glad my little issues are on a smaller scale now...
Jennifer, darling, i'm proud of u. But girl!! talk to the dude!! he's not gonna eat u!!!
Stephy, u too!!!
Sam...u too!! haha
Paul...salsa?
Nikki...anything new with Danny?...taking ur advice...
Day...i'm okay...details later...love ya!!
everyone else...love ya!
My internets not working on my comp so its harder for me to write...it'll be fixed soon. mwa!!
Monday, October 04, 2004
I don't know how to begin...
My life has once again taken a sharp turn and i'm all dizzy from it.
I feel like a zombie walking around in circles, while everyone else knows exactly what they want and where they're going. I feel like i'm just being dragged along and going for the ride. Until i can get off this stupid rollercoaster, i'm stuck...and lonely.
I feel drained really. How can i even cry anymore? Sometimes, tears just randomly spill out and i dont even notice i'm crying anymore. But the thing is, the one thing i'm the most worried about is him, because i'm going to be okay. But how about him? will he keep his promises, or will he just give up? I trust him, but i dont trust his will to continue fighting. he's just as tired as i am, and i dont want to hurt him anymore. Maybe that's all i ever do, but how do i know that he'll be okay? Thats the thing. I can't know. I'm forbidden.
I've thought about calling so many times already. But i cant. And then i pick up the nerve to sneak one more call...just one...and then i cant. What if he doent want me to call? and if i dont, will i lose him forever? how can someone like him be so bad? and why?? i dont understand. he's the opposite of everything they see in him. how can they be so blind!? They wont even give him a chance. they wont give me a chance. and they probably never will. I'm tired of guessing and planning where life is going to take me, so maybe, i'm thinking, just maybe i should go along for the ride for a little while, even if i am unhappy. I just have no strength to do anything else. I mean, honestly, what is there to do, but wait it out and pray. I still have faith.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
"Life is the ultimate experience of agony and happiness."
-Paul Gulisano
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
W-O-W!!! If you guys read the comments from my last entry, you'll realize why Dayna has totally made my day!! That makes me soo happy Day! Yea!! keep going to church and find God in your life. It's so worth it and you'll be so much happier! That's the best advice i could ever give u Day! I'm so proud!
So yea, I just came back from school. It was my first day back since...everything lol...(dont know what to call it) and it was a good day. Miss said i could perform for the SHOW TOMORROW AFTERSCHOOL AT MY SCHOOL FOR $3.00!!!! <~ "Coffee House"...i'm singing a song in which i'm gonna practice right now. I think Ricki is going to come and see it. He can't fool me...buahaha i'm excited/nervous because well its dedicated to him. ::sigh:: I pray everything turns out well for us. It's been pretty calm lately. So...gots HW to do and a lot to think about. EX> Chem make-up exam, my Math quiz today (i think i did okay), make-up work, performances, Restricted, doctors,...arg...etc, etc...sooo catch ya later...Love ya!
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Ouch! Stupid Steroids...*mumble grumble*
This morning i went to the hospital again after a troublesome shower trying not to wet the IV stuck to my hand. lol so yea, i was okay, my mom helped me get dressed seeing as i only have one hand available.
The meds didn't hurt as much today. That was cool. Only have tomm left and then an appt with Dr. Lam, Dr. Chacko, and Dr. Goldman (the hot one lol) and then they'll see if i have to take off my braces to take another MRI to check for MS...and i have the neurologist appt... ::sigh:: i hate hospitals...good news: atleast my braces might come off! exciting!
Then we went to church and it was really great! I saw Steph and Sam and i was real happy about seeing friendly familiar faces!! The service was really encouraging. It was like it was meant for me and to help with my faith and getting me through all this. Everyone's being real positive, which i absolutely love! My mom's putting on a happy face, though i know she's like terrified of this whole thing. Everything at home's been pretty calm. Jenny and Alvaro finally broke up. It's for the better. They fight too much and Jenny just wasn't happy. BUT! there's this cute doc in the hospital where she works that she's attractied to lol my mom approves.
So yea, then after church we picked up Jenny and we all went to Aventura's Cheesecake factory. It was soooo delish! but i got too full while eating too little...hmm weird. but it was great. then we were gonna watch a movie there, but we were all tired and sleepy so we came home and here i am.
Raul went fishing with little cousin's and his dad, which is good news i hope. I pray no conflicts will arrive.
GUESS WHAT!! my vision has gotten a lot better!!! i can actually read stuff now lol. so yea...I LOVE MY NEW PHONE!!!!!!! ooo guys pray for my Day-Day...she needs to smile a little more.
So yea... I'm gonna apply for Intensity Dance Studio soon!! funfun! I can't wait...i miss dance...blablabla boredness... cant think of anything else to write... lalala love u guys...thanks for reading my drama ::wink:: byebye
|
